Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize