i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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