Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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