Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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