Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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