I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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