Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
