She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
