Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
