Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
