my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
