At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
This baby is an asshole
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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