In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize