Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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