i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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