I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
