Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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