She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
