so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
whose parrot is this?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
