we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Two words: blizzard sex
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
