Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
