I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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