I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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