Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
