Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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