ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
