I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
