Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
