dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
