theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
