i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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