Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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