just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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