and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
