i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
