I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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