We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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