dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
