I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
