Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
