I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
