is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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