my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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