So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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