there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
