I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
