I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
