You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
