everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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