who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
