somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize