I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
