you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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