just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
