so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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