Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
How does one acquire holy water?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
