DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize