guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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