saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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