I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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