So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
