In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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