By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
