I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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