i just had sex bonerless
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
