dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize